L3: P.S. I Love You

From the movie I came across on the tele,

"So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."

DEL1: A Reminder

Serendipitously stumbled upon the murals of the Mission District. It's been awhile and these murals truly amaze me.

This mural is just a reminder of the reason why you started this Asher. Keep going.

Why not?

L1: Finally...

At last, I can do what I've wanted to do this entire week. Sit at a cafe, drink an iced latte and be immersed in the world of game of thrones. If you haven't read the books yet, YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST. They're unbelievably amazing.

Here's to a journey.

L2: Eyes Opened

I had a meeting last night with a community professional and he said something that caught my attention:
"What kind of fun profession isn't hard work?"


Through all the politics, the growing pains, and the harsh words, I still love Suitcase with all of my being. Challenges accepted.

D: Time is a funny thing

Time. It's a funny thing.
It's a friend. It's an enemy. It's a threat. It's a savior.
It runs the world. It's man-made. It moves forward. It's invisible. It's pushy. It's powerful. It won't stop. It's revealing. It's comforting. It heals.



When?

L1: You do You

Asher, this is your time.

Don't look to anyone. Live openly. Don't wait for anyone. Live fully. Don't listen to anyone. Live freely.

Edit: You have to look, wait, and listen Asher. Or else, you'd be alone

DE: Ecstasy

An orgasm?

Oh god. Yeah.

Asher, I need to introduce the guy that's fondling you right now. Quentin. He is the sexiest thing I've ever laid my eyes on and he is going to take you for a ride girl. You've already fallen for the guy because he brings you to the highest heights, taking you on the sweetest, hottest journey you've ever been on. But he comforts you all the while, a beam of support when you need it. Who is this wonderful god of a man? Well, he ain't a real boy that's for sure....

He's my brand-spankin new headphones - my Audio Technica M50s. I recently joined in the on small groupie we have of these amazingly crafted species. So a major shout-out to some friends - thanks JH and JYT!


It's going to be an amazing journey with this sexy guy. Yet, I cannot describe the excitement building up in me. It's similar to the buildup of a song.

The first beat hits. Paving the way for the start of the song, of the journey.
Your heart races. You feel a tingle. 

You start to hear all the different sounds increase and build. Maybe the guitar comes in or the violin this time. If you're lucky, it' the piano.
This ball, somewhere between your chest and your stomach starts to form. It's fiery red hot with a blue flaming center. 

The beat builds, grows louder and louder.
The sun is getting to be so big, it feels like you can't hold it all in and you're screaming to let it out, to let it all go.

The beat drops.
The sweetest release. The ball explodes silently. No sound. Pause. It's so powerful. 

Silence. The quiet entrance of the soft beat.
Ripples. The way a pebble dropped into a pond makes ripples that flow, the sun has reached all points of your body. It's ebbing back and forth, filling you UP. 



Is that what ecstasy feels like? 

L2: Gandalf Always Knows Best

A silent reminder from a friend I've grown to be close to this past year of the wise words of Gandalf the Grey:

In all of this chaos, "All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you."

Thanks SB

L2L3: Distracted Mind

EDIT: This is an adapted version of a post I wrote after deciding to combine blogs. I know this breaks some rules, but the purposes of the blogs are different and so I needed to edit some bits.

Succumbed to some stalking after the first time in three weeks. Relived some memories and pain at the same time. How are we going to get through this Asher? 

By treading slowly and carefully.

DL3: Baleen Morning

In the midst of Finals studying (of which I have not been), I came across this beautiful song. It stopped me mid-thought, filled me with joy and wonder. The way the guitar ever so lightly plays its notes combined with the quiet entrance of the cello lifts my heart. And when the piano has its mini 5 second solos of just one note - pure bliss. A truly amazing song.

Curious as to what baleen was, I looked it up and found that it is what composes the filter feeding system of a whale. =) Brings a smile to my face thinking what a baleen kind of morning is. I think today might have been one. With so much to do in a few days time, I woke up today with a need for a filter. Hopefully a "baleen" of mine will show up. Where are you?

DEL1LL: Thanks for the inspiration

In a one minute procrastination effort the day before Finals Week, I felt the need to say thanks to the guy that inspired my sub-motto: Discover, Explore, Live, Learn, Love. Thanks for the conversation that night until 3AM SW. Much needed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ask yourself this. What are you going to remember? The days where you studied in Barker/Stacks OR the times you danced on couches to the beat of the life inside you, the time you went kite-nicking the weekend before Finals, the moments when you close your eyes to hear the silence?


Your choice.

L2: Be the Bigger, Better Person

Don't make the same mistakes twice. Learn, Esther.

Don't ever do that again. Be the bigger and better person. Know that your words have a strong power. 

No one said it better than Peter Parker's grandpa: "With great power comes great responsibility." 

Fuck. DO BETTER.

E: Exploring

I feel an explanation is in order.Why the hell am I even writing this? Why now? For what?

Well, I don't think I can answer any of these questions definitely, but I can say that I feel the need to do so in this moment in my life. I do not know what has happened to me this past week. I left Vegas with some obvious withdrawal of the excitement that is Sin City. Yet, I have dismissed the naive notion that what I am feeling now is still due to a Vegas withdrawal. This is something more. There is something more going on here and I am ready to Explore it. 

So that's what this is - an Exploration. An Exploration of yourself, girl. It was easy to talk the talk when you lost him - that you were fine, that you are beautiful, that you are everything and more. And just to qualm your fears, I am not denying any of that now. You are beautiful in every way possible. But this exploration goes deeper. I'm on a journey now and I can't say I'm not scared, but I would be lying to you if I didn't say I am so fucking excited.

So here's to you, future Esther. When you're looking back on this, I hope you remember every moment written here. Every breath, every feeling, every thing.


Here's to Exploring.

DL3: Finding myself in surprises

It's always a hard thing to do. Now that I'm by myself, I feel numerous things and I don't feel anything at all. It's a search for something - a finite, concrete emotion - that is impossible to find at this moment in time. Yet, my focus tries to remain in the present, something that I feel I've always had a hard time with. But I am optimistic - inspired by a true friend that surprises me constantly.

I recently had a discovery. A newly found aspect of myself I never knew existed. In the midst of pain and loss, I have found happiness. Not just the regular smiley face/emoticon happy. This happiness is unexpected, pure, and invigorating. I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. I'm scared and excited simultaneously. I had to write about it and it feels great. 

Of all things, this happiness is coming from music - specifically what is termed "Electronic Dance Music." If any of my friends know me at all, this is not Esther Oiyee Chung. I stay in comfort zones of blue music, namely a boy with a guitar singing about his heartbreak. Sad, yet sweet sounding to me. Or I dive into the mainstream Top 40 business. But this EDM. This is incredible. I cannot entirely describe everything that happens to me, but it is refreshing and happy. 

It started from my trip to Vegas this past weekend with my friends. The trip started out as a getaway vacation with some seniors graduating. I went into it excited, but confused (about Love). It hurt me and broke breaks me. I came out of the weekend with vigor and withdrawal symptoms of Vegas. No doubt the dancing, the 21 status, the fun clubs, and the good friends are influencing this withdrawal, but the most surprising influence = the music. My experience at the Tao club we visited the first night was indicative of the emotions I felt coming into Vegas. A drunk, skanky mess of Esther correlated to the mainstream top 40 remixes that the DJ played. And just to note, there is nothing wrong with that. I, you, needed it. These past 2 weeks have been harsh - a rocky rollercoaster ride with horrible suspension that bangs your head between the seat bars - and I think the next few weeks will be as well. The top 40 music allowed me to go crunk crazy and I appreciate it. I don't regret anything and don't apologize for anything. 

The second night is where Discovery bloomed. XS, a pretty skanky club itself (naked women on the walls = feminist in me screaming), played EDM - the electro music I so so previously avoided out of annoyance. I danced to it buzzed and felt like I felt the night before - confused. Yet, in our effort to leave the club and head back (to the hotel room, to Berkeley, to school, to now), Swanky Tunes (the headlining DJs) played this: the Alesso remix of "If I Lose Myself" by OneRepublic. Looking back, I was ecstatic and sober when it came on - pure joy (but at the same time high on life I think). I had wanted it to play and it did. I danced myself away. It was our last song of the night, of Vegas and it was glorious. I would not have wanted any other song to be my last of that weekend. Then Yesterday. I played the song. THE UNEXPECTED, PURE, INVIGORATING HAPPINESS POURED OUT OF ME. I was reliving the moments in XS. I was starting a Discovery. 

Forward to now, 3:45am on the broken futon in the living room of my apartment, typing away on my laptop on a blog - something I haven't done in years. I just spent the last 3 hours talking to my optimistic friend about this EDM business. Discovery blast. House. Trance. Chill. It's all a new start and I'm loving every. minute. of. it. Discovered trance tonight and I cannot fully express the things I feel. Listened to this song (Fire Sign by Agulo feat. David Berkeley) and HAPPINESS came again. An entire smile, vibrant and full, formed on my lips as this song opened my soul to my eyes. Nothing has ever happened like this before to me. When I listen, I feel so unbelievably happy. Everything negative fades away. Only good comes through. UNEXPECTED, PURE, INVIGORATING good. It is so incredible. 

I cannot describe this newfound excitement I have about my life right now. It's the beginning of something so absolutely new to me and I cannot wait to explore. Keeping an open mind to everything in front of me - I want to DELLL. 

All of this could not have been possible without my optimistic friend. Thank you JYT. I cannot express the gratitude I have because this music is giving me life - something that few things so far in my 21 years has.